𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

As the war rages in Iran, as Jews are being stabbed on our streets, as the cost-of-living crisis cripples hard-working families, Ed Miliband’s contribution to the chaos is to ban traditional tumble dryers because they use too much energy.

This bloke has tumbleweed where his brain should be!

Angela 0 – door 1

Wannabe PM Angela Rayner got so appallingly drunk in a House of Commons bar this week she reportedly ended up shouting “I’m a socialist” later smashing into the door of the bar so hard it left her “bent double”. The door had to be repaired the next day.

The appalling scene was witnessed by MP’s, Journos, parliamentary staff and guests. THIS is why Rayner must never be PM. Her acolytes are screaming she’s being attacked because she’s a northern working-class woman blah blah. Tosh. It’s because she’s a vulgar, classless liability.

His finest hour… so far!

I’ve talked and written much about the King’s state visit to the US this week, so I won’t bang on. I just want to say how unutterably proud I am of him. He shouldn’t have had to repair the special relationship, which Starmer had totally cocked up, but he did it brilliantly with grace, dignity and class.

His handling of Trump (not to mention the Senate and most Americans) was a masterclass in the soft power of the royals who have taken stick here of late with people questioning what they’re for.

Well, this week Charles showed them exactly what it’s for. Not only did he elevate this little island on the world stage, his diplomacy reopened a door with the most powerful man in the world which our idiot government had slammed shut. This was his finest hour… so far.

I’d love to be as ‘never happy’ as Trinny

Despite being the boss of a £200million beauty business Trinny Woodall says she’s “never happy”. Well, she needs to give her head a wobble because, just before starting Trinny London, her TV career was fading and a dot.com start-up had crashed. To fund her beauty business, she had to sell her house and her clothes AND she was rejected by 250 investors before she got the cash she needed.

If what she’s achieved after all that doesn’t make her happy, she doesn’t deserve to be!

What is it with blokes?

In the week Paddy McGuinness’ ex-wife Christine came out as a “five-star lesbian”, Paddy is now said to be dating a much younger blonde who’s a dead-ringer for Christine. And he’s reportedly finally ready to move out of the marital home having previously refused to leave the kids – even though it’s been FOUR years since their split.

What is it with men – they can’t properly leave a woman until they’ve replaced her with another one?

Haye deserves to sink back into obscurity

Cry-baby David Haye says he’s suing ITV for “irreparable damage” to his brand during I’m a Celebrity. What brand? This big booby retired from boxing in 2018 and the only thing he’s famous for now is his polyamorous relationships which involve him sleeping with multiple women. He’s bleating that TV bosses edited him to look like the show’s pantomime villain – which he was.

Doesn’t he understand that being on I’m A Celeb would have resurrected his fading career? Had he played his cards right, he’d have done well out of it. Now he’ll sink back into obscurity looking like the big, nasty bully he’s claimed to be!

This is how to solve ADHD crisis

A new report says that, by 2030, two-thirds of British teenagers will suffer from a mental health condition like anxiety, ADHD or depression. Not if they’re told none of those conditions come with time off work and benefits they won’t!

Has anyone told Katie?

Apparently big busts are now seen as gross and totally out of fashion and women are rushing for breast reductions to acquire the new must-have “ballerina boobs”. Has anyone told Katie Price?

Oh well, never mind

Millionaire big game hunter Ernie Dosio was gored to death hunting the beautiful wild animals he slaughtered for fun. He was killed by an elephant protecting her baby. Oh well, never mind. At least he won’t suffer the indignity of being stuffed and hung on the wall as a trophy.

Naked truth about Bridgerton?

Chubby Bridgerton actress Nicola Coughlan has revealed she appeared fully naked in the series: “It was a ‘F**k you’ to the bodyshamers,” she said proudly. Was it really? Or did Netflix just tell her it would be and exploited her a teensy bit?

How does she know?

The execrable Emily Maitlis boasts of a contact deep within the king’s inner-circle who told her just before the state visit that the king had said his “words would go over the Presidents head but go down beautifully with legislators and us at home”.

How has this woman got any contacts at all when she betrays them not to mention King Charles who was doing a good thing by going to the US to rescue the special relationship? This narcissist will betray King AND country to grab a few headlines for herself.

Zack’s being exposed… thanks God

Thank God Zack Polanski is finally being exposed as the dangerous idiot he is. He retweeted a post condemning two hero cops for kicking terror suspect Essa Suleiman in the head when he refused to drop his weapon.

Met Police chief Mark Rowley hit back saying he’d “undermined confidence in the force”. But it’s a damn sight more than that. Just days ago, the idiot Polanski scoffed at the fear of Britain’s Jews suggesting it was “perceived unsafety”. Now he’s endorsing criticism of the police who were dealing with a dangerous terrorist Hellbent on killing Jews.

As usual he didn’t wait for the facts before he tried to grab a headline on the back of two stabbed Jewish men. The terrifying truth is on Planet Polanski people like Sulman would be allowed to run free and seen as victims!