𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

You know you’re in trouble when you start agreeing with Tony Blair. The most successful leader in the history of the Labour Party has attacked the current incumbent, Sir keir Starmer, saying there is no worked-out, coherent plan for Britain. In other news, the Pope has Catholic leanings and bears enjoy relieving themselves in the woods. Blair argues in a 5,000-word essay (an hour of my life that I won’t get back) that as the party descends into civil war, they are also retreating into a traditional left-wing comfort zone, based around ever-higher taxes, a war on business and exponential welfare spending.

No doubt, those Latte Lefties in the party will condemn Blair as “far right” or something, for saying that workers’ rights rules are hurting businesses and damaging growth – they are. They will cast him as some kind of extremist for saying that the national insurance tax raid and a hike in the minimum wage are re-awakening the old enemy of unemployment – ironic from “the party of working people” who are now, er, out of work.

The number of young people in particular not in education or employment is set to soar by nearly a third, to more than 1.25 million over the next five years, according to a landmark report by former New Labour cabinet minister Alan Milburn.

Tony Blair will no doubt be admonished for saying tax and spend will spike inflation, and he’ll probably be excommunicated from the party altogether for the cardinal sin of criticising Net Zero, which he not unreasonably argues makes no sense when other countries are pursuing cheap reliable energy.

The UK pursuing this doomed metropolitan, middle class vanity project, whilst Chinal and Brazil burn fossil fuels for fun, is not just deranged and nonsensical, it is economic and industrial suicide. This indulgent and misguided political party, which has long since given up on the working class, is going to ignore Blair, obviously, and lurch even further to the left if the wildly overrated Andy Burnham wins the Makerfield by election and becomes Prime Minister.

Burnham has already thown shade at Blair for this intervention, effectively branding him out of touch. He’s not out of touch – the modern Labour party is. Out of touch with economics, out of touch with common sense, out of touch with reality.

Now Tony Blair is no angel – he changed the legal and constitutional framework of the country to make it harder for us to deport murderers and rapists. He ignited our open borders policy, with needlessly relaxed rules around EU citizens from Eastern Europe flooding into Britain, driving down wages, stretching our national infrastructure and damaging community cohesion.

A preening, self-serving globalist, Tony Blair sold out this country to international interests and foreign courts. But as PM he was solid on the economy and for all his sins, until the next election, we’d swap him for Starmer in Number 10 in a heartbeat. Tony Blair is right. Not for the first time in its history, Labour isn’t working.

Actress and reality star Emily Atack is riding high at the moment, starring in the hit Jilly Cooper-inspired TV drama Rivals, which is raising eyebrows with its saucy sex scenes. Although she found fame early, with a role in the equally naughty Channel 4 sitcom The Inbetweeners, her life has not been a perfect fairytale.

She has bravely revealed that she fell pregnant at 16 during an abusive relationship, and suffered a horrifying sex attack when she was just 10. She also struggled with the glare of the spotlight after a stint on I’m A Celebrity, which saw a focus on her love life and even her waistline.

But since then, she has welcomed a new baby into the world, and after a few Mr Wrongs has found Mr Right – a handsome scientist named Alistair. Lovely Emily can now Atack the future with a smile on her face.

My prescription for resident doctors

The news that resident doctors are to once again go on strike has sent my blood pressure into overdrive. These entitled medics – who have enjoyed a heavily subsidised education at the taxpayers’ expense and will have a job for life, not to mention a gold-plated pension – didn’t get the memo that our economy is on life support.

The British Medical Association is behind this latest industrial action, and this ultra left-wing trade union will have blood on its hands. How dare they hold the public to ransom, given that the NHS still faces a backlog of seven million people awaiting treatment.

As a result of this latest set of strikes, appointments and operations will be cancelled. People will suffer and, yes, some will die. So much for the medical mantra of “first do no harm”.

Now we all appreciate the work that these committed young doctors do – it’s long hours, it’s stressful and they hold their lives in our hands. But none of them are going hungry.

A resident doctor’s starting salary is around £38,000, which I would say is respectable for a first job. With overtime, some of these fresh-faced physicians can pull in as much as £80,000 – that’s money most graduates could only dream of.

As with the military and police officers, I believe that frontline medics should not be allowed to go on strike. Patient safety should never be a bargaining chip. My prescription to the resident doctors: go back to work and do your job.

He’s back! Music legend Ozzy Osbourne returns, courtesy of artificial intelligence. With the help of a computer generated hologram – which brainy nerds call an “avatar” – will be rocking and rolling like he’s never been gone. Given how boring today’s popstars are, with their bland melodies and unintelligible lyrics, why stop at Ozzie? Bring back John Lennon, David Bowie and Jimi Hendrix. Let those golden oldies show the latest generation of woke pop warblers how it’s done.

Ozzy was one of a kind – they just don’t make them like that anymore. He was a gifted musician with a potent set of pipes. He had a zany energy, he was dangerous, shocking, unpredictable and fun. His return is good news for everyone, except of course bats.

Desperate stuff!

The Duke and Duchess of double standards strike again, as Meghan Markle props up her crumbling retail empire by deploying her children to flog her overpriced fruit spread, hundreds of jars of which – I am told – were still gathering dust at Netflix HQ, before they severed business ties with her.

It’s one thing for these shameless chancers to make money to keep up with mortgage payments on their vast Montecito mansion. But given their claimed desire for privacy – and a normal childhood for Archie and Lillibet – it doesn’t tally that they should tell us that “Arch” likes raspberry spread and “Lil” prefers strawberry.

All of this reeks of desperation. The Sussex brand is now so toxic, celebrities and corporate sponsors are clearly becoming reluctant to touch them, their charities are mired in negative headlines and they are running out of money. In more ways than one, Harry and Meghan are in a jam.