𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

Sir Keir Starmer’s downfall is being toasted by saucy author and Labour luvvie Kathy Lette, following a family feud with the Prime Minister and his aides. Kathy’s daughter Georgie was among five ex-party staffers facing legal action by Labour, when accused of leaking an internal report to undermine Starmer’s leadership – which they denied.

The legal case, said to have cost £1.5million, was eventually dropped two years ago. Pointing out she’s known Sir Keir since he worked for her ex-barrister husband Geoffrey Robertson, champagne socialist Kathy now vengefully announces: “I would never have singled him out as prime ministerial material. Basically, if Starmer bored any more he’d strike oil.”

Imagine the disappointment!

Unaware they were aboard the same train as Andy Burnham when he headed south from Manchester this week, passengers were naturally bemused to find themselves faced by a media scrum when disembarking at London Euston. One female passenger raised a laugh after hopefully enquiring: “Is it Madonna?”

We get it already!

Taking against the BBC’s endless heatwave warnings, Brighton-based Fleet Street veteran Julie Burchill snaps: “It’s exposure to the BBC that’s bad for my ‘wellness’…if anyone ever says ‘stay hydrated’ to my face, they’re going to get a drink in theirs, so at least one of us will be.”

The scourge of po-faced Beeb bosses

Quitting as a BBC Wimbledon commentator after learning his role was to be reduced after 23 years – the upcoming tournament will be his last – I’m reminded Andrew Castle has “form” when it comes to displeasing po-faced Beeb bosses.

Outspoken in his support for pal and ex-Wimbledon pundit colleague Boris Becker when the latter was jailed in 2022 for avoiding paying debts after bankruptcy (the German remains persona non grata at the BBC), Castle also outraged humourless colleagues when spotting British player Marcus Willis’s glamorous dental surgeon wife Jennifer Bate watching from the stands.

He dared to cheekily quip on the airwaves: “It’s a pity my dentist doesn’t look like that.”

Dark thoughts…

Looking back on his decision to walk out of I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Here! after realising he wanted to “murder” oddball campmate Lembit Opik, Nigel Havers still fantasises about doing the deed.

Acknowledging his career would have ended as a result, Nigel yearningly adds: “But what a way to go!”

We might wonder indeed!

With Ted Lasso co-star Brett Goldstein making headlines appearing opposite Jennifer Lopez in romcom Office Romance (they’ve denied rumours of a real love affair), Hannah Waddingham pokes fun at her fellow Brit.

Noting heartthrob Goldstein also wrote the movie’s love story script, Hannah mischievously remarks: “Hmm, I wonder why he wrote that!”

There’s hope yet…

Just days after this column’s well-placed source reported Keith Richards was unenthusiastic about embarking on another full-blown tour with the Rolling Stones at the age of 82 – despite Sir Mick Jagger being publicly keen – Keith himself now announces: “I don’t know if tours are possible. It’s the travelling that takes it out of you. But I do see the possibility of us doing a residency somewhere.”