𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

Our new PM has been billed as the great communicator. A charming man who would dominate Parliament with his eloquence and ideas. Yesterday, you could almost see the tumbleweed as he rambled on about his “triple helix approach” to economic development. Burnham was like a mumbling supply teacher struggling to hold the attention of an increasingly unruly class. By the end, Labour MPs were openly chatting and giggling among themselves.

Tory leader Kemi Badenoch went relatively easy on him. She won’t today, when he takes his first Parliamentary Questions. It’s already clear he hasn’t got the answer to the country’s problems. As debt and borrowing costs rocket, all he wants to do is spend money. And grumble about Margaret Thatcher like the 1980s leftie student he once was.

Yesterday, Keir Starmer stepped away from politics, and the nation raided their memory banks. Was he still alive? We were never sure, even when he was in Number 10. It’ll be the same when Burnham goes. He’s not the messiah. He’s not even a naughty boy. Just another useless placeman, taking us a few more rungs down the ladder of national decline. As the truth emerges, he has only one course of action. Call an election as soon as possible, before even more of his early lustre fades.

Burnham has already rejected the idea. But as the days pass, it will look increasingly attractive. Voters may tolerate his lack of a mandate while his Northern novelty act lasts. Once they discover he’s continuity Keir Starmer, they’ll be furious at the duffer Labour foisted upon us.

This is a man who can’t make a tough decision. He keeps ducking them. On welfare. On defence. On spending. They will quickly come back to bite him.

Burnham is also unleashing thousands of violent criminals and sexual offenders on the nation. Their new crimes will be on him. And unless his strategy of handing immigrants booklets telling them rape isn’t very nice actually works, he’ll take the rap for their assaults too.

We’ve already seen how leftie great hopes have a short shelf life. Just look at Zack Polanski. The Green Party leader’s poll ratings have tanked, but he might end up the biggest beneficiary of Burnham’s blundering.

Many Labour members drifted to Polanski protest at Starmer. Burnham has brought them back. Once they see through Burnham, they’ll race back to Polanski. Which will force Burnham to skew even further left, with predictably disastrous results.

His only way out is an election. Scores of Labour MPs could lose their seats, but they won’t be missed. Even by Labour.

Burnham could still limp into power, but he’ll need help from Polanski. That leaves us facing the nightmare of a Labour-Green coalition, with Ed Davey’s useless Lib Dems getting them over the line. Ed Davey: kingmaker. Prepare to weep.

Burnham will surely be tempted. Especially with the right in disarray as Kemi Badenoch, Nigel Farage and Rupert Lowe fight among themselves.

A Labour-Green coalition will plunge us into instant fiscal crisis. Burnham doesn’t need help on that front. Every time he opens his mouth, the spending pledges spill out and the bond markets take fright.

Triple helix? The nation will need a triple bypass to survive what’s coming our way.