𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

Today, Sir Keir is on the ropes again, as he faces a crunch vote over the Lord Mandelson scandal. This afternoon, the Commons will decide if the PM should face a Parliamentary sleaze probe. Labour MPs are being whipped to reject the motion. They’ve given up on Sir Keir, but will no doubt fall into line. The PM’s troubles won’t end there, with Labour facing an electoral bloodbath on 7 May. After that, the plotting will begin in earnest.

The PM’s leadership rivals are circling. Former deputy PM Angela Rayner is runaway favourite with the bookies. If it wasn’t for her £40,000 stamp duty swerve, she’d be on the doorstep of No 10 right now, impatiently tapping her Star Wars-themed heels as she waits for Starmer to pack his bags. Instead, she has to wait for the HMRC investigation, although she expects to get off with a slapped wrist.

Mayor of Manchester Andy Burnham would give Rayner a run for her money, but he’s not an MP. The two are in talks over a secret pact, but I can’t see how that works. Both want the top job. Health secretary Wes Streeting does too, but he’s on the right of a party that’s becoming more left-wing by the day. They’re the front runners, but another candidate could sweep them all away in a moment. The numbers are already in.

If Starmer is booted out, candidates need to secure nominations from 20% of Labour MPs to enter the ballot. But when it comes to the vote, MPs aren’t the only ones who decide. Party members get a say too, and they’ve fallen head over heels for one man: Ed Miliband.

Leftie website LabourList runs a regular beauty contest where members vote for cabinet ministers. Its latest results show the energy secretary remains the darling of the party, with a favourability rating of +65. Miliband has slipped five points since the previous poll, which may relect union frustration over his decision to block new North Sea drilling. But he’s still top dog, and by a distance.

Northern Ireland Secretary Hilary Benn comes second at +55, followed by defence secretary John Healey and culture secretary Lisa Nandy. None are in the running for leader. Wes Streeting is, but he comes way down the popularity list at +21. Sady, we don’t know how members rate Rayner or Burnham, because they’re not in the Cabinet. But they’d have to pull out all the stops to beat Miliband.

Miliband may have been rejected by the country once, leading the party to a humiliating defeat in 2015. And he will almost certainly prove an even worse PM than Starmer, taxing and spending the UK into oblivion. But party members don’t see it that way.

Miliband is their man. They want more tax, they want more spending, they want more windmills. They also want somebody to take the fight to Zack Polanski’s Green Party. Miliband ticks every box.

And there’s nothing standing in his way. He’s an MP, unlike Burnham. He pays his taxes, unlike Rayner. He’s on the left, unlike Streeting. They’re powerless to stop him.

The only person who can block Miliband’s rise to power is Miliband himself. He’s been Labour leader before, and bears the scars. He insists he doesn’t want to put himself through it again. But all he has to do is change his mind. It’s that simple. If he does, No 10 is there for the taking. And this time, the British people can’t block him, because they don’t get to vote.