𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

It’s that moment in the chemistry lab at school when you step back from a failed experiment. A mix of chemicals is a soggy mess, or a supposed chemical reaction has turned into little more than no reaction. Because ‘Project Starmer,’ with disgraced Peter Mandelson as its chief designer and architect, and possibly soon to be disgraced (watch this space on Tuesday) Morgan McSweeney as its enforcer, can definitively be seen as a failure after the events of last week. The man upon whom they alighted in the simmering wreckage of a ruling concerning anti-Semitism and unlawful acts of discrimination from the Equality and Human Rights Commission in 2020 has turned out to be a dud.

An overly promoted and spectacularly unskilled politician with virtually no political acumen – but also possessing a heightened sense of survival making him a leader so heartless few buses can pass along Downing Street without fear of driving over the body of another colleague hurled under its wheels. As this Government careers into a grisly mix that both defies parody and renders satire impotent, it’s worth noting how the Labour Party sunk to this deep low.

After “Comrade Corbyn” had made admitting to being a Labour supporter about as acceptable as seeking to join the Ku Klux Klan, the Labour Party correctly realised it was in need of a drastic “re-boot.” But this wasn’t just unplugging the laptop, waiting a few minutes and plugging it in again: this was smashing the computer to bits with a hammer, then dumping the remnants at the local tip.

The desperate search for a new look for the destroyed New Labour project turned up a very presentable and supremely un-offensive, at that point little-known contender, Sir Keir Starmer.

This was undoubtedly the blank – or even bland? – canvass upon which Machiavellian Mandelson and his adoring sidekick McSweeney could paint their version of the next Labour leader.

And initially it worked. As the widely derided Conservatives lurched to predictable electoral wipeout, all the well-spoken lawyerly Sir Keir had to do was to ensure, in the brilliant terms defined by the late, great Sir Roger Moore as he outlined the basic essentials of being an actor, “you arrive on time and don’t fall over the furniture.”

Duly achieved and with the gloss still intact, the man moulded into a potential PM delivered the desperately craved General Election win for Labour in 2024.

But it’s worth remembering the vote share that day; only a fraction over 33% voted Labour – meaning the overwhelming majority clearly rejected them.

And last week we learnt as if his hasty and now obviously flawed determination to get Mandelson to Washington wasn’t egregious enough, Starmer had doubled down with seeming to lobby for a similar type of diplomatic role for Matthew Doyle, his former Director of Communications who had links with a convicted paedophile.

With the project now in tatters, consider this: any past PM with a shred of dynamism has been defined by an “ism.” For instance, remember ‘Thatcherism?’ After that, there was ‘Blairism.’

Anyone fancy defining ‘Starmerism?’

Precisely – and even my laptop just underscored that one in red, querying if it was a mistake!

Heartfelt congratulations to football ace Jamie Vardy and his glamorous wife Rebekah on the news they have landed a lucrative reality ITV series coming soon to our screens.

Yup – Vardy has “scored” again, as he did 200 times at Leicester City, where he was arguably the greatest player ever to pull on the (normally) blue shirt of a team I have supported for over half a century.

However, and to acknowledge the many Leicester fans who have sent messages to me via this column, over the last 10 years alone ‘our’ team has won the Premier League, won the FA Cup, played in a Champions League quarter-final and a Conference semi-final, but also been relegated, promoted, and relegated again, and last week was dumped into the third tier of English football.

That last damning chapter, by the way, came courtesy of the most underperforming, overpaid, uncaring, inept squad to ever represent (you cannot say “play” as most times they didn’t!) the team and to whom it is a pleasure to say “Good Riddance!” as they will all surely depart from the scene of their collective crime.

Thank you… rant over and now, for me, back to the rugby.

Just an idea…

Surely Larry the cat should be the first port of call re. No. 10 ‘vetting?’

If this is true it’s damning

The allegations, if true, could scarcely be more damaging. Attorney General Lord Hermer reportedly ignored concerns that Iraqi war crime allegations against British military personnel that he was championing could be false. Indeed, he even wrote a note concerning “wriggle room if the killings did not in fact happen.”

Two observations: How must our brave veterans feel? And who, do you suppose, elevated this man to the senior post of Attorney General?

While the first question remains unanswered, the latter is easier: Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer.

Utter insanity from No10 as usual

The definition of madness is to keep doing the same thing, however damaging, while wishing for different results.

All of which neatly sums up the ludicrous “border enforcement” deal signed last week with the French. Having given them more than £400million over the last three years which has yielded precious little, the Government has decided to send another £660million.

They really don’t have a Clouseau, do they?

A silver lining…

Mobile phone access could be restricted in a bid to combat spiralling energy prices. If you travel by train, at last a positive from the Iran conflict.

A truly baffling mystery

Do you suppose the same person who stole Morgan McSweeney’s phone has also swiped the note from Sir Keir Starmer confirming Peter Mandelson’s appointment?