𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

Heard about the latest wizard idea being touted around Brussels by the EU? It’s called “outsourcing” and is enjoying enthusiastic support from Denmark, with Italy and Spain also offering full backing and France and Austria expressing a strong interest. All these nations cite the increasing pressures migration from other parts of the world have brought to the continent, with untold and equally unchecked numbers arriving in their respective countries. Hailed at the European Union HQ as “an innovative solution,” in brief it would allow any EU country to send arriving migrants to a “safe third country” while their asylum applications are processed.

Already a number of nations have said they’d be prepared to look at being hosts, with Tunisia and Ghana saying they could be ready to sign up and Kenya, Benin, Uganda and Mauritania not far behind. Now if you’re thinking all this sounds rather familiar, you’d be right.

It is precisely the same idea as the so-called Rwanda scheme pioneered by the previous Conservative government and scuppered by Labour the minute they came to power – with the entirely foreseeable and disastrous consequences of tens of thousands of more people crossing the Channel to get into the UK.

It’s also worth noting, tragically, the small number of people who didn’t make it, and drowned in the attempt.

Instead, Labour offered a different approach, with Sir Keir Starmer promising repeatedly to “smash the gangs” and setting up a £150million Border Security Command which has achieved nothing and whose Commander, Martin Hewitt, quit after 18 unremarkable months in the job. In truth, the only thing that has been “smashed” is the budget set aside to fund this fanciful lunacy!

And last week – unbelievably – we learnt that this spending is about to get worse as Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood agreed to a last minute extension to subsidise French patrols – that are supposed to stop the crossings and came with a price of £16.2million – until the end of May.

Or, to put that figure into context, £265,000 a day. And what do we get for it? Initially agreed by the Conservatives (little wonder they were booted out when you think about it!) it is meant to provide for 700 French police and military personnel to mount extra patrols along their beaches, deploy drones and prevent crossings.

In reality, it has resulted in quite a few Gendarmes recording rather exciting videos of thousands of migrants pushing out to sea on large inflatable dinghies, some of them waving at the French as they depart.

One of the arguments used to justify this ludicrous largesse is the French claim they have intercepted around 40,000 crossings. But even if that number is true, how can we be sure they don’t simply wait a few days and try again.

After all, if you’ve travelled all the way from Syria in the back of a truck and paid thousands of dollars, you’re unlikely to be deterred on your first effort and opt to get back on the road to Damascus, are you?

The Prime Minister signalled on Friday that, in the light of the deteriorating relationship with the United States, he wanted to pursue closer economic and defence ties with Europe.

Oh, the irony – if this law-book obsessed PM suddenly found himself being bounced into exploring the “safe third country” option that was effectively the Rwanda scheme he so joyously binned!

Why don’t you stop bleating about Brexit and acutally DO something?

Make no mistake, policing is in crisis right now. The shocking news last week that 92% of burglaries went unsolved last year, and fewer than 1% of mobile phone thefts were solved, highlights the fact that too many forces are failing in their most basic duties: to catch criminals and to protect us.

And don’t buy the argument trotted out by Labour and the other assorted band of apologists that it’s all down to the “austerity cuts” of years past. In two years those measures will have been taken 20 years ago, so the excuses have worn extremely thin.

The reality is what Sue Sim, the former Chief Constable of Northumbria, told me last week, that police are “getting their priorities wrong and must attend and indeed investigate every burglary”. She ensured that happened on her force, so why not nationwide?

Meanwhile in London, Mayor Sir Sadiq Khan’s repeated assurances that it is a safe city look increasingly risible as so called “link-up’ gangs target stores in Clapham for mass robberies.

Memo to Mayor – Stop bleating on about Brexit.

And please try to protect the Londoners who fund your £170,000 salary.

Oh dear, Auntie

■ BBC BUNGLE Part One: We now know the Beeb was aware of allegations against sacked DJ Scott Mills almost 12 months ago, yet despite the serious nature of the claims of sexual offences involving an underage boy, they failed to investigate. Why?

■ BBC BUNGLE Part Two: Only the BBC would cut staff from its events team, which earns awards and plaudits in equal measure. The unit, which provides tremendous coverage of occasions such as the Remembrance Service at the Cenotaph and royal weddings, will be left with just one member of staff. Why?

Spare us. Seriously…

In the run up to the World Cup, can we please be spared pictures of our alleged stars with their faces painted like lions or trying to roar to camera. The reality, as exposed by their humbling defeat to a quicker and more entertaining Japanese team, is they are a bunch of overpaid flops with equally over inflated egos. Indeed, a Lion chocolate bar has more bite!

Will Labour ever stop embarrassing themselves?

The week before last it was Defence Secretary John Healey who couldn’t – when he appeared on my radio breakfast show – tell me how many ships we have in the Royal Navy (an embarrassment that was subsequently picked up by President Trump).

Last week it was Business and Trade Secretary Peter Kyle, who appeared to have no idea how many people are currently unemployed in the country.

Here’s hoping it’s Chancellor Rachel Reeves’ turn this week.