𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

A top Andy Burnham aide has claimed his boss will be the party’s first female PM “in all but sex”. What a monumentally stupid thing to say. In its 126-year history, Labour has never had a female leader because it believes no woman is up to the job. But pretending Burnham might be able to channel a woman as some sort of lame substitute is sick. It’s also a portent of the lunacy to come.

Stop her while you still can!

Rachel Reeves said this week that whoever ends up as Chancellor will inherit an economy in much better shape than the one she inherited. Whaaat? How does the £3trillion debt and the £60billion black hole she’s created leave the economy in better shape? And then came the kicker: ”I still have unfinished business at the Treasury,” she said.

Dear God – Burnham needs to get her out now before she wrecks what’s left of the country!

When it comes to fashion, Sienna Miller makes some unusual choices but never more than this one. She was at the Serpentine Summer Party in London this week where temperatures hit 35C in a FUR coat. You could have offered me however many millions Ms Miller is worth and I still couldn’t have worn that coat – and lived!

If we’re getting rid of anyone, let’s start with YOU

Who are the eejits in Natural England who want to cull (kill?) Dartmoor Ponies? There’s fewer than 1,000 left and, for more than 3,000 years, they’ve grazed freely on the landscape they’ve helped to form.

But these eco bozos – responsible for slaughtering 250,000 badgers in 2013 – now insist that, like cattle and sheep, the ponies are livestock so there’s now no subsidy for locals to look after them. And so they must die. Sorry, but these ponies are vital for the diversity of wildlife so, instead of culling them, let’s cull the moronic quango that wants rid of them. The ponies are more use to our eco systems than they ever will be.

If our 77-year-old King can do his job in 35 degrees wearing a suit and tie, the chancers, skivers and wimps who swerved work this week because of the “heatwave” could have got their backsides into the office as well. Only thousands didn’t because – bless – they were a bit hot. This country is now a joke. Summer days are being trumpeted as a national emergency and used as yet another pathetic excuse for schools and offices to close and for public transport to shut down.

God help us if there’s another war.

The truth evidently doesn’t suit some people

So-called artist Helen Cammock made a 40-minute video accusing Winston Churchill of deliberately starving Indians during the Bengal Famine. This slur was then placed among portraits of significant historical British figures by the taxpayer-funded National Portrait Gallery. What was the NPG doing publishing the lies and ill-informed opinions of this woman who calls herself a “multi-disciplinary artist”? Whatever the hell that is.

Cammock needs to get her facts right and not abuse her position as an “artist” to peddle her own prejudices. Records show that Churchill made Herculean efforts to alleviate the famine which was caused by natural disasters. He organised for supplies to be sent from Britain to the subcontinent and he also begged Australia, Canada and the US to help.

But that inconvenient truth doesn’t suit Cammock who seems determined to slate Churchill as a cruel, racist monster who purposely starved Indians. And however great Cammock thinks her piddling achievements are, they don’t come close to Churchill, who didn’t just save Britain from German domination but also Europe and much of the rest of the world.

Reckon I know who’s behind this…

As part of its (ludicrous) plan to save the planet, Labour is telling farmers they should stop rearing cattle and grow lentils instead. Hang on – they want rid of cattle because the methane they produce when farting is (apparently) destroying the planet. But they want the rest of us to chow down on lentils which will make millions more humans fart.

Must be another Miliband idea!

Hurrah! The Darlington Seven (nurses) have won £187,000 after taking legal action over a transwoman – a bloke – using their changing rooms. Its taken a long time and they’ve been through hell to get justice but hopefully these brave women will embolden others whose safe spaces are still being invaded by men and who are being harassed and intimidated because they dare to complain about it.

All hot air

The bright sparks at Camden Council planning department are ordering residents to remove their air-con units because they produce too much carbon dioxide. They’re telling them to open windows instead. Don’t these idiots realise that when you open windows in 34C heat you just let more heat in? Their other suggestion was ceiling fans – which just whizz the hot air around.

And its these jobsworth half wits who are tasked with helping to save the planet.

More shame on Nowak cops

New information shows that police officers took EIGHT minutes to find Henry Nowak’s stab wounds. No they didn’t. They just couldn’t be bothered to look.