𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

Keir Starmer out, Nigel Farage in. All change with the Tories’ attacking line-up.

It all felt a bit like football transfer deadline day in Westminster as MPs returned for the new season. Who better than this great nation’s previous Prime Minister to kick it all off with one final U-turn?

Sir Keir had been adamant that he was planning on sticking around until the next General Election at least. Now the bloke who came into politics solely to be PM has decided he has no interest in staying in Parliament or representing his people.

Meanwhile, man of the people, Farage, is back following his own resignation and subsequent by-election victory against Count Binface in Clacton.

It’s a timely return as Reform UK has slumped behind the Conservatives into third place in the polls.

Social media sensation Andy Burnham has managed to drag his party to the top of those polls by spending the summer on a grand tour of the UK and playing the guitar in Ukraine.

Some 43 days after entering No. 10 South, the former Manchester Mayor made his belated first appearance at the despatch box.

Salivating Labour MPs cheered and hollered as he arrived in the Commons chamber for what they hoped would be the moment of their lives.

Burnham spent most of his time repeatedly lashing out at the deindustrialisation and privatisation of the 1980s, prompting Tory leader Kemi Badenoch to put her hands to her ears and wildly shake her head.

If Mrs Badenoch, who was flanked by some of her newly reshuffled Shadow Cabinet, can’t take any more after one day, then spare a thought for the rest of us.