𝓤𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼

The Christian Democrat party in Germany says benefits claimants will be made to clean the streets. Great idea. We should do it here too because Britain has become a “money for nothing” culture with millions believing they’re entitled to cash they’ve done beggar-all to earn. But it’ll never happen under Mr Eyelashes andy Burnham who, like all Labour politicians, believes everyone on benefits is a victim who deserves to have free money thrown at them courtesy of us mugs who still work.

Claudia Winkleman says she’s walked away from her BBC chat show because “I was just too nervous to enjoy it”. And she should have added: “And because I’m not very good at it.” The show was cancelled because the reviews were mixed but mostly bad and it was cringey to watch. I adore Claudia. She’s a great big ball of talent and personality. But hosting a chat show is a specific skill which she hasn’t got. Graham Norton, the undisputed King, averages three million viewers a week. Claudia was getting half of that. But good on her for being upfront and upbeat about it. There’s no shame in trying something, failing and then enthusiastically moving onto the next gig. Which she will.

Heat deaths study was b*****ks

Scientists got very excited this week about a new study which claims that 2,700 people were killed by heatwaves in May and June. My initial reaction on hearing this was “b*****ks”. And it turns out it IS b*****ks, because the study by Imperial College London didn’t actually count any deaths at all. Also, the UK Health Security Agency, which does record actual deaths, said for the period of May and June, not only were there no excess deaths, the figures were actually down 7% on last year. Who are these hysterical climate change nut jobs who see every sunny day as Armageddon? Don’t they know that extreme temperatures kill five million people globally every year. But 90% of those deaths aren’t down to the heat – but the cold!

Not entirely he boss’s fault, Wayne

So, football didn’t come home. In fact, despite the entire nation willing them to win, England made a bit of a pig’s ear of the game against “dirty tricks” Argentina. The blame game started immediately after the final whistle with manager Thomas Tuchel being attacked for “cautious substitutions”. But the fact remains that, after scoring the first goal, England players seemed not terribly bothered about scoring a second. “The boss’s decisions cost us,” said Wayne Rooney. Sorry, the boss wasn’t on the pitch but those very highly-paid players, whose job it is to score goals, were. And they didn’t. I’m not being unpatriotic because I desperately wanted England to win but in my heart I knew they wouldn’t. If the last 60 years have taught us anything, it’s that England always seems to find a way to lose the big games!

Here’s an ecstatic Becks going nuts after England’s win against Norway last week. However Posh is bored-rigid and looking like she’d rather be anywhere else. This little snapshot says more to me about their marriage than any of those schmaltzy, lovey-dovey pics she paps out every day on social media.

Rats to Rachel

So, when Rachel Reeves gets booted out of Number 11 Downing Street what’s going to happen to the cat she brought in to deal with the mice infestation? She should have known the problem in Downing Street was never the mice – but the rats who are planning her demise as we speak.

Perhaps Nigel DOES need the security?

Does the fact that Nigel Farage has had 597 death threats in the last four months maybe justify him taking a £5million gift to pay for his security?

We can’t make Andrew watch Countdown

Andrew Mountbatten’s been getting it in the neck this week because he was spotted riding his horse on the Sandringham Estate, having been banned in February for laughing and waving to members of the public. Look, the bloke’s a pillock but we can’t ban him from taking a bit of exercise. The King has stripped him of everything – his titles, his home, his status, his pride, his job. He can’t order him to sit indoors all day and watch Countdown!

Keir Starmer said in his last ever PMQ’s: “I’ve left Britain in a better place than I found it.” And it’s this kind of manic delusion that’s responsible for the fact nothing ever got better under him. He just couldn’t see that what he was doing was wrecking the country.

Whinging Remainers forever bleating that Britain is ruined because of not being in the failing bloc need to look at new research which says that if we rejoined the EU, the cost would be a staggering £37billion a year. To put that into perspective, it’s HALF the current defence budget and nearly two thirds of all the money we spend on schools. Do the math!

Do MPs ever work?

The Commons broke up for the summer this week and MPs won’t be sitting again until September 1. On top of those six weeks, there’s another NINE when Parliament is in recess. But why? Government business doesn’t stop just because its summer or Christmas.